Officer Max by Abby Knox

Author:Abby Knox [Knox, Abby]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Author Abby Knox, LLC
Published: 2020-05-27T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twelve

Max

I hope nobody can tell that I feel as pretty as Johnny Depp in this ruffled pirate shirt.

It’s not bad. Comfortable, even. I look at myself in the bathroom mirror of the pool house as I’m getting ready to make my grand entrance. Millie called it a “tunic,” while she helped out by applying some black shit around my eyes and adjusting a three-cornered-hat from the Halloween store, a hat that looks like it was made for a head half the size of mine.

I look at myself in the mirror and it’s not as terrible as I thought. I’m used to wearing costumes and even a little stage makeup sometimes for wrestling matches. The shirt falls open at the chest and kinda shows off my hairy pecs…if I wanted to have a big ego about that.

I’m a little nervous about my pirate voice, so I practice that in the mirror a few times. I realize pretty quickly that it’s not the kids I’m trying to impress. I’m totally showing off for Val.

As the parents and kids gather around the swimming pool at Dave and Millie’s backyard birthday party, I make my entrance in full costume to the applause of everyone.

I give instructions to the gang of kids on how to find the lost treasure. A healthy memory bank full of SpongeBob SquarePants episodes helps me conjure up my best pirate voice.

“Aye, ye scurvy dogs! I be so sure that none of ye will find me treasure. And if ye do, I’ll walk the plank and be buried forever in Davy Jones’ Locker, arrrgh!”

When the kids scatter with excited screams to begin the hunt, complete with maps that Millie has drawn out for each of them, I saunter over to Val, who’s sitting with my sister at a poolside table. Wearing sunglasses, I can’t tell if she’s ogling me, but I’m more than OK if she is. As I approach, I see the pink in her cheeks and I’m not gonna lie, it strokes my ego pretty good.

I want to touch her. Kiss her. Just give her some love for sitting there looking like a friggin’ sun goddess and for looking at me like I’m a snack.

A man’s gruff voice butts in before I can open my mouth to say something to Val.

“Hey dipshit, how’s bodyguard duty?”

Martin is here. Because of course he is, Emily is his niece too. He strolls toward us in a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, which is his signature move when he’s trying to impress his wife Lindsey—which is all the time.

“Hey brother,” I say, taking a step closer to Val.

“Bodyguard duty?” Millie says. “What’s going on?”

Val opens her mouth to speak but Martin interrupts, stuffing his hands in his pockets to look extra business casual. “Ongoing investigation, that’s all I can tell you,” he says importantly. Man, if we were twelve years old I’d be giving him an atomic wedgie right now.

Millie turns to Val. “Honey, does this have

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